Friday, July 08, 2005

Remain Calm, Everyone, Gwyneth and Apple are Fine

Flipping channels last night I came across The Insider, planning to skip it just as quickly as everything else that wasn’t on. The hostess was saying, “But first, today’s terrible terrorism tragedy in London – what celebrities were hurt?” I should have continued flipping immediately, I know, but I held on long enough for her to say, “Many American celebrities have been here doing theatre – Brooke Shields, Doogie Howser, Blah Di Bloo, and many were in attendance at this weekend’s Live 8 – Gwyneth Paltrow and her baby were there in chic casual to see her husband in that band, Brad Pitt was there sporting his new blond do but now he’s off to Africa to pick up “Angelina’s” new baby, Elizabeth Hurley – well, we’re not totally sure about her, but she’s not on the A-list right now, Madonna is still on tour in proper dresses promoting her children’s book and her kids were probably away with that director guy – why can’t I think of his name… thankfully, all remain unharmed. As it turns out, celebrities do not take the subway. It’s a little-known fact that celebrities are immune to most types of disaster, but if we do find a semi-famous model with a sprained wrist, you will be sure to hear about it here. Over and over again until she becomes famous for the being model who sprained her wrist in the terrorist attacks and probably saved some lives while doing it. Back to you, Pat.”

7 comments:

kfoz said...

Omarion sent out a press release after the attack asking fans to pray for his safety, even though he was nowhere near the attacks, and therefore unharmed.

B said...

what a sad and true idea...i can't believe what they have us worrying about...are they trying to make us feel even more miserable about our existences?

"Folks! Don't be alarmed, none of the important people have been harmed...oh, well those "fans"...well that will show up on the ratings--we'll just send out another tomkat story and that will spike us back to the top, back to you Pat."

hutchie said...

this little piece here is yet another clear demonstration of just exactly why i love you, betsy crane.

Betsy said...

Wow, I thought I was in the loop but I had to look up Omarion - I thought that was Tom Cruise's guiding alien. I liked your postscript on the story Byron - and thanks, Anne, you know I love you too and props to you for stealing Blah Di Bloo. (Even though I think it was orignially Blah Di Doo?) Are the Henslies denuded yet?

DAM said...

Apropos of nothing and everything, Joe Scarborough said that the attention by celebs given to Live 8 should have been directed toward prevention of terrorism. Huh? Do we really want Cruise in the CIA?

I didn't see The Insider last night, but I'm heaving a heavy sigh of relief that the stars are still shining brightly. Not even chipped nail polish. Phew!

hutchie said...

hold up, tom cruise demands a word check: denuded? made bare? stripped of our possessions? how do you mean?

Betsy said...

Word clear! Shaven?