I’m Not Sure I’m Reading This Right... In Fact, I Must Be Reading it Wrong, Right? Because if I’m Reading it Right, The Ramifications Are Frightening

Okay, I just read this on Gawker and because of the wording and the weird Hillary Clinton parallel I’m a little confused, well that and the fact that this can’t possibly be true, right? Ben just heard me saying Oh-my-god and he said What is it and I said I think Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco are hanging out again and he said Who are Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco (god bless that someone, anyone, my husband missed that chapter of embarrassment for all mankind) and I said she’s the Long Island Lolita who was sixteen and dating this gross older man who was married with a family and also he was pimping her out and then she went and shot his wife in the face but she lived and Drew Barrymore played Amy in the tv movie and Amy Fisher went to jail but then got married and had kids and learned something and wrote a book and Joey stayed married for a long time but finally got divorced and then so did Amy Fisher and it seems like now they’re canoodling and there might be a reality show about it and Ben said, Oh. I’m sorry.

Did I get that wrong? Someone, please, tell me I got it wrong. Because if I didn’t, forget Britney and Paris and Lindsay and the environment, I know now for sure that the world is at end.

Promise

Hi anyone still reading – I have a new story online if you’re interested in checking it out.

Falling Down is My New Thing

Twice in the last month, I have fallen down hard in my apartment, not on my pillowy behind but forward and with little help from my hands. The first time, I was napping when the doorbell rang, and I ran from the bedroom through the kitchen, which is often blocked now by a dog gate that keeps our dog from eating anything he can reach in the kitchen (ranging from tuna steaks to empty popcorn boxes) which I often simply step over rather than open and move out of the way, because, you know, that might take up to a full minute. On this occasion, with my left leg already over the gate, I knocked the gate down with my right, landing on it on my shin, with, as I mentioned, no hands involved.

It hurt like a bitch, and I got a bruise from my knee almost to my ankle that’s still there.

This weekend, Ben and I were watching The Wire in bed, and I took a pause to go brush my teeth, but came in from the bathroom while I was still brushing my teeth because, you know, that takes a full minute or two, and it gets boring, so I went back into the bedroom to watch a little more Wire and on the way back to the bathroom, my stretched out pajama bottoms caught on the edge of the heater and rrrrrip and down I went again, this time landing on my left knee, thankfully with a little bit of left hand involved, the right, unfortunately, tied up with my toothbrush. The injury wasn’t quite as severe this time, but it still hurt, so I started laughing and moaning with my mouthful of foamy toothpaste, Ben comes over cracking up, and I’m pointing to my mouth so he brings me a cup to spit into before I get up.

There’s nothing to be learned here.

Get Yer Tickets Now

What Up, Friends and Family

Tickets are on sale now at the esteemed Steppenwolf for the world premiere of the theatrical adaptation of my book,
When The Messenger is Hot by Laura Eason.

Needless to say, I am floored that this is happening, and having seen a reading already I can say that Laura did an amazing job, and that it’s worth seeing! You don’t have to be part of the First Look experience if you don’t have the bucks or the time - you can get a ticket for just fifteen bucks!

I am told that the First Look series sells out quickly, so I want to be sure y’all that want to get in on it.

xo