Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Dubya, Please!

Dang it, man, get off my TV! You made me miss Ellen's dance!


kfoz said...

What's he doing on TV?

(This is why I keep the dial tuned to Soap Opera Network.)

Elizabeth Crane said...

I don't ever know, Ken, cuz I have to turn down the sound until it's over and wait to find out until the next days paper comes out!

B said...

I KNOW! One time he came on during Days of Our Lives on a Friday! A FRIDAY I TELL YA! Everyone knows that Fridays are the best days for soaps. I missed many conclusions that day.

Maybe that's why I really don't like him...?

Nope. It's because he's a meanie.

Elizabeth Crane said...

Just a meanie.
He has nerve coming on during Days though. Although I gave it up about fifteen years ago, I spent my formative years watching that show.

kfoz said...

That's why you have to watch the soaps on Soap Net--there's never a chance of real news interupting.

B said...

I actually just wrote a short story involving Bo and Hope from Days of Our Lives.

I wish I could watch it on Soap Net, but I'd like to keep my image of "starving artist" and not have cable


Actaully my boyfriend won't pay for it...sigh...no more BBC.

DAM said...

What was Dubya doing? What he always does...nothing, other than to aggravate and equivocate.

Take heart...if you have Oxygen, her shows repeat at 11. OK, they repeat a week later, but I'm accustomed to it.

Personally, I'm a CNN gal throughout the day, except for Court TV's "Closing Arguments." I have a love/hate relationship with Nancy Grace, which mimics my relationships with others. (Men.) More accurately, it's admiration/anger. Gee, wonder why I'm single.

Calling Dr. Ted.

Elizabeth Crane said...

The problem is, we don't have the cable either, so I miss a lot of good stuff, like the Surreal Life.
I read an article about Nancy Grace recently - in the Times maybe?

kfoz said...

I live in the middle of nowhere, and therefore I have a satellite, which is pretty cheap, particularly since there are no movie theaters, concerts or restaurants to spend my entertainment budget.

Teodoro Callate said...

wow, i'm being called on to opine about...the love/hate admiration/anger thing? why thanky. i'm not a pysychologist, i just play one at school...so i'll just say that whole ambivalence thing seems to bite every one of us in the ass whether we like it or not.

integrate, people!
can't we all just integrate?
you know, emotionally?

i talk a good game but i'm pretty damn single myself.

Elizabeth Crane said...

I was once, in a land not so far away, as single as single can be, and was often called upon for my theoretical advice. And it turns out that if you wait thirty years or so, your theoretical advice will actually become practical! That's a little abstract but whenever people used to ask me for romantic advice I'd always preface whatever I said by "You realize who you're asking..." but I am a fantastic judge of what SHOULD be. Hee hee. And it turns out that for me, waiting thirty years (of my "dating" life) for the right person worked out. Both you, Debra, and Ted, are phenomenal people who deserve the best, and I wish less than thirty years of waiting upon you both. I know I'm off track, whatever.

Teodoro Callate said...

hijacked threads are OK when they end with nice comments about me. and debra, of course. of course!

very kind words, betsy. thanks.

DAM said...

Here's the kicker. I don't have a single friend (meaning not one friend) who doesn't call me for advice on anything and everything. People have jokingly asked to schedule appointments. They even ask what they should do re: their children!

I've had three shrinks (yes, three, what of it?) suggest I go to school for social work. One even offered me a job in her practice.

Alas, too often I can't practice what I preach. (Me thinks 2 out of 3 of my shrinks couldn't either. Kinda like 4 out of 5 dentists recommending the gum. Won't go into details, but one was a real doozie.)

Betsy, thanks for the compliment. (Red face.) Hey, here's a thought...why not fix up Ted and I? Distance not of issue. Well, it is, but he comes highly recommended.

Back to Dubya...saw a clip of his speech and his characterization of terrorists. Get this...they are "disAssemblers, that means liars." Sorry, Dubya, that makes you a liar. Actually, it only confirms his stupidity. Gotta' admit, the guy is good for a laugh.

Teodoro Callate said...

How do you like that? A budding, blogging romance from 800 miles away. Hey...who am I to say no?

One's need for (or use of) therapy is not an indication of whether or not that person would be a good therapist. On the contrary...if you haven't been in therapy, you'll be a bad therapist. It's really simple on that count.

As for practicing what we preach? The inability to do that comes with the territory. So again...not a problem. My therapist from a bunch of years ago was thrilled when I told her I was going to school for psychology. So you'd probably be very good. Since you and I are now intertwined in what is clearly a secure, trusting, long term relationship feel free to count on me for advice as you navigate grad school and the therapy certification process. No problem.

The only thing I know about Dubya today is what I saw on the Daily Show, where he was standing in front of a bunch of beautifully smiling white children in an effort to show why stem cells shouldn't be used. Then he said these embryos/children shouldn't be exploited. Jon Stewart's blank stare said it all.

Don't get me started on stem cells tonight. I saw Barack Obama at a Diabetes fund raiser tonight, as I sat next to my Diabetic sister and got to hear about Dubya's promise to veto the stem cell bill.

I'm serious. Don't get me started.

I think I forgot that I started my own blog. Sorry about the long response, Betsy.

Elizabeth Crane said...

I had no idea blogging would be so much fun on so many counts, not the least my undiscovered web-matchmaking skills.

Don't get ME started on the stem-cell issue! In addition to my diabetic nephew, my dad has Parkinson's, and he's almost 80 and time is a-wasting.

Now I have to jump over to the bonar blog to read about the Barack dinner.

Teodoro Callate said...

And now, without further ado (huh?), that post is up.

DAM said...

Ted, my 800 mile love, I would never go into therapy with someone who hadn't been in therapy. There's a very unique dynamic to therapy and if that person hasn't sat on both sides of the couch, they're not for me. (I've had power issues, if you can call them that. If I'm to call them Dr. ____, then why should they address me by my first name? It sets up a hierarchy that I don't like.) Sitting on both sides of the couch means they know the whole experience.

BUT, when a shrink starts asking me for advice, I have trouble with that. It was difficult to talk about my travails when one asked what to do about her failing sex life. She asked me what I thought it meant that they didn't sleep in the same room. She said it was because of his snoring. I said only she could know for sure whey they didn't sleep in the same room, and I paid for the privilege of telling her that.

Conversely, I don't want a "blank slate" upon whom I supposedly project myself. One therapist refused to tell me if she was married. It became a mystery that that it didn't have to be. Had she merely said yes or no, it would have been over and done. Instead, it became an issue. "Why did I need to know," she asked. I didn't "need" to know.

I interviewed the next therapist before we met. What was I to call her and how would she address me? Other basic questions. She answered without hesitation. (I loves me my cognitive therapy.)

I don't need/want a new pal in my therapist and I'm not looking to look at a blank face...something in between. I'm Goldilocks.

By the way, because we're in a secure, loving, sure to walk the aisle relationship, you need to know that I decided to concentrate on my writing and declined my acceptances to grad school, though the ego boost of the acceptance letters was nice.

Well, that was quite the essay, wasn't it? Guess I shouldn't even start on stem cell research, which is, in my less than humble opinion, a given.

Since this was a Dubya thread, do I have to say something about him? Naaah.

(I think there was a link to your site, sweetie, but I don't remember which post it was in. Betsy, can you provide the link? What kind of real intimacy can Ted and I share if I can't even look at his blog? Is it a big blog? ;-)

Elizabeth Crane said...

Oh my god, Debra, you should write a book about your therapists! That's so bizarro. I had only one semi-breach back in the day where my therapist asked me to pick up some cream on the way to my session. I didn't mind, but I should mention it was ten years ago and I haven't forgotten it. That said, I think I still owe her for a few sessions - and she helped me A LOT.
Ted is at www.bonarblog.blogspot.com.

Teodoro Callate said...

(shyly) (stares at ground) (shuffles feet)

(quietly without eye contact) my blog is average

HEY now we're back. Therapists come in all shapes and sizes, which obviously includes bad, very bad, and unethical.

Re: the blank slate and Freud (who wrote the quote). Freud was a genius who spawned generations of psychoanalysts who gave him and his work a bad name (not all of 'em, just loopy ones). The blank slate quote is one sentence in an entire book devoted to technique, and I guarantee you that he (Freud) did no such thing. On the contrary, he had some of his patients over for dinner. The idea is meaningful and valid, and when used properly, is brilliant (you can't underestimate projection, but you don't have to pull for it either). When taken out of context, psychoanalysis (practiced poorly) is cold and unempathic. Freud did not mean it this way, but not all therapists grasp that. There's more to this, but this thread is so far hijacked (between ethical therapy dilemas and our unspeakable, undying love for one another, and the size of my...blog), I'll save more for later.

Re: therapists asking to get you cream, Bets? If it were the other way around, they'd analyze the hell out of that data. Glad you were helped by the person, though. Seems like a pretty big breach.

I'll end this for now. Debra darling, I'll look for you on my...blog...later on. I mean, I will. Really. On my blog. Blog.

Elizabeth Crane said...

I feel so validated - I don't think I've ever mentioned the cream incident before due to some sort of unacknowledged shame ,but it was obviously a breach. I guess I just also knew that therapists were also people subject to occasional failure. Plus I was almost cured at that point. Ha.

Teodoro Callate said...

well, now that I am fully running a class in psychoanalytic technique on your site...I shall continue with another thought.

failure in therapy is not only inevitable, but is therapeutic if managed properly. the ability to recover from human misteps by the therapist is part of the process of assisting the patient to "reintegrate" the sense of self in the patient as he/she relates to others.

psychobabble translation: 1) the patient learns that mistakes don't have to be traumatic, 2) mistakes made by one person don't have to be carried by another person forever, 3) mistakes can be repaired.

am i being annoying? i really might be.

DAM said...

Betsy, might be time to start a therapy thread!

Wanna' hear about a big breach? (Obviously rhetorical, since I'm going to tell you anyway.) The therapist who asked my advice about her sex life is one with whom I also had dinner on many occasions. She borrowed my car. The list of things that cross the line go on and on. I fully participated. I won't go into my needs from her at the time. SHE should have known better than to perpetuate a completely inappropriate therapeutic relationship.

Ted, I thoroughly enjoyed one "failure" with my next therapist. She made a mistake. At first it was disillusioning, but her admission and our ability to talk about it, to work past it was of tremendous help to me. It humanized her and helped me to realize that we can recover from mistakes. They are a part of life and need not be devastating.

Because we worked so well together, I proposed a book idea to her. (She's a published cognitive therapist.) Since I was writing a journal about my feelings while in therapy, I asked if she would comment on what I wrote (without my knowledge). I wanted to call it "Between Sessions." (Kind of like "Ever Day Gets A Little Closer" by Irvin D. Yalom, if you're familiar with it.) I still think it's a great idea, but she refused. She was right.

Dare I ask what your thoughts are on transference and counter transference?

Teodoro Callate said...

Debra, the description of the failure above is perfect. That's how it should be done. But that first therapist? Wow. It amazes me that some therapists are therapists. Then I look at my classmates and realize all you really have to do is jump through the right hoops for about 5-6 years and anyone can get the job. Just like with some terrible parents, there oughta be a law. But let's not digress further.

I've read Yalom, but not that book. He's amazing.

Transference and Countertransference? You realize you are asking me to add even MORE psychobabble to Betsy's site, don't you? You've been warned.

Transference and countertransference are inevitable elements of a therapeutic relationship. Whether "T" and "CT" get analyzed depends on the orientation of the therapist (psychodynamic, cognitive-behavioral, etc.). I'm a psychodynamic guy, and I think the analysis of transference is vital. But that's a subtle thing and happens over time. The image of Freud telling a patient "I am your father and you hate me" (I never realized the Darth Vader aspect of that) really doesn't give a realistic impression of what this type of analysis can do. Your story about recovering from a therapist's misstep is loaded with transference analysis and was shown to be productive. It doesn't have to be oedipal or make you squirm. It just has to be used properly and not abused.

As for countertransference, that's the unconscious element that gets activated in the therapist. As it is unconscious, you generally don't know it until later. Which is exactly why therapists need to be in therapy themselves. I have to know what I'm about and why I do and feel what I do in order to be of maximum value to the patient in a session. AND, the analysis of that can actually be diagnostic. (Working with Borderline clients, for example, will elicit strong, uncomfortable feelings in anyone, and if you can recognize that countertransference, you may have a better idea of what you are dealing with.)

By now, there are probably three of us hanging in there in this thread. I love this stuff, but I don't blame them, either.