Tom Cruise, I think you are losing it. First, I saw you on Oprah jumping on and off her couches and then down onto one knee doing that thing people do with their fist when they win something. (Which is a move I don’t think is in style anymore, although I know you’re not about that.) It’s great that you’re in love, and really it’s great that you want to tell everyone about it. If I had the chance to go on Oprah and spend the whole show telling the world how much I love Ben while I plugged my new movie (I mean book), I would for sure do it. I might not jump on the furniture. But that’s just me.
Let me also say here, that I have enjoyed your work in several movies, including Magnolia and that sports movie where Renee Zellwegger completes you.
But when I saw you on Access Hollywood last night, I knew I had to say something to try to bring you back to your senses, because Tom, you are talking out of your butt with this whole medication/psychiatry thing. Listen, I have no real opinion on Scientology – if it floats your boat that is fan-friggin’-tastic. I’ve read here and there that some nice people have paid tens of thousands of dollars for what I’m not sure. My belief in god costs me nada, that’s all I’m saying. Anyway, I wouldn’t even mind your preaching Scientology – but when you get into an area that you just can’t back up with, let’s say, I dunno, a medical degree, or even, I dunno, an article? (by someone other than L. Ron), dude, it’s just not cool. I will go so far as to admit that in my personal layperson’s opinion (and perhaps if you’d just prefaced everything you’d said with a similar disclaimer, I might leave you alone altogether), I suspect prescription medications are often overprescribed for all kinds of physical and mental disorders. BUT. In millions of cases around the world these drugs are life-saving. People can not get out the door without them. Not to mention I also read that you said there is only one proven way to get off drugs? Period, you say? Oh really? Cuz I’m sure there are about eleventy-billion clean and sober people in 12-step programs who might disagree. And you, Tom Cruise, think you are the one to tell everyone that some vitamins and some sort of mind exercises are an alternative? On Access Hollywood? Tom, it’s so not cool, which brings me to my final point.
I think what you need, in my personal layperson’s opinion, is a simple reminder of your job description.
We are looking for: A great smile. The ability to radiate cool 24/7. The ability to solve impossible missions. The ability to dance in your underpants. The ability to mix drinks. Occasional need for willingness to modify hair to portray vampires, bad guys, or non-cool, unhandsome Oscar-winning-type real people. That’s it.