Friday, March 18, 2005

I Wish I Were a Better Person

But lately I'm obsessed with the fantasy that somehow a certain ex of mine from (oy) twenty years ago (feel free to say get over it) who made sure to remind me on a regular basis how much smarter he was than me (sealing my already flourishing self-doubt, brain-cell wise), finds copies of my critically acclaimed books (just give me this, if you knew this guy, you'd indulge me more than a moment to boast), hears where I'm teaching, and kicks himself in the ass for ever being such a cock.

Can somebody else please admit they have fantasies like this so I don't punish myself for the rest of the day?

12 comments:

DAM said...

Hi, my name is Debra and I frequently indulge in a fantasy where a certain ex sees my articles in a magazine and is very impressed. (He always liked my writing.) He's calling to tell me he's seen the articles and thinks they're great. My fantasy continues. He is also calling to tell me he's getting married. (He often said that if we didn't marry, he'd want me as his "best friend" at his wedding.) I flatly congratulate him and he invites me to the wedding. I ask why. He says because we're friends. I ask what leads him to believe that. (LOVE that dig!) Of course, that silences him.

So, don't punish yourself for the rest of the day. Revel in your success and the image of him literally kicking himself in the ass. That way, you can envision and laugh at his stupidity! (Unless he's very limber, it aint easy to kick yourself in the ass.)

Elizabeth Crane said...

Oh, bless you Debra!

Jackie said...

Yeah, I think I'd actually have to be successful for that to happen.

Elizabeth Crane said...

Jackie, you are successful! You have a great life and a great family! That's all that matters!

megan said...

Yes, but also in the fantasy, I run into the guy, in person, and I've lost twenty pounds and am dressed in something very stylish and expensive involving high heels and elbow length gloves. The ONLY way to stick it to as ex is to look hot when you're not with them anymore.

Roops said...

My best friend and I have fantasies that when we see our ex-boyfriends (at least the ones who have hurt us), they will be on the side of the road somewhere in the ditch asking for a few bucks. If you don't understand at this point, the guys are homeless alcoholics asking for money for their next fifth of whiskey. We throw a ten-spot their way and tell them to keep the change as we walk on by smiling. Maybe we're just heartless bitches -- or maybe not.

Anonymous said...

HA! Sweet!
BC

Free_Jim said...

i once was in atlanta waiting for a plane...took the Marta downtown...did some shopping....bought some "Scorned Woman" hot sauce...that stuff was sooo corrosive i never was able to finish that bottle...i finally tossed it when I moved to europa, after ten years...thats true and its also a metaphor, for shall we say, a certain romatic entanglement...Peace on earth

Anonymous said...

When I get bored I type whatever I'm thinking into Google and hit I'm feeling Lucky...tonight I typed 'I wish I was a better person' and got your blog

Unrelated to your post, but I DID kick myself in the ass for being a cock with poor english skills.

Anonymous said...

glad to see i'm unique like everyone else. today i was just googling whatever was in my head...which happened to be "i wish i was a better person"...and stumbled upon this.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I googled it too...small...internet.

Anonymous said...

Woah, I also typed "I wish I was a better person" into the Google.