Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I Have Had Conversations Like This

This guy Vincent Ferrari was on Today this morning with this audiotape of him trying to cancel hia AOL account, and the only reason it’s funny is because it wasn’t me. I haven’t tried to cancel AOL (yet, but it’s in the works). But whenever I’ve tried to cancel a credit card account, it’s been much the same. I’d like to cancel my account. Oh, well, let me just look at your account here. I see you’ve been a customer for some time. Yep. Why do you want to cancel? I don’t need the card anymore. Well we have a special rate right now. That’s okay. I just want to cancel. Are you unhappy? No. Cancel my card please. Have we offended you in some way? No. Well then why are you trying to cancel? Because I can. Please cancel my card. It’s just that I don’t understand why. You don’t have to even try. Just cancel my card. I think if you told me why... I could make something up. There’s no need for that. I’ve asked you nicely about ten times now.
Anyway, my favorite line from this is “Turning off AOL would be the worst thing that...” The guy doesn’t finish, but one’s imagination runs wild. To me, I pretty much imagine the sentence ends with nothing less than the apocalypse.

5 comments:

carolyn said...

i can play that tape in my head without watching the today show as i did cancel my AOL one day and it was quite the lengthy conversation...

i also tried to cancel my TIVO when i got my comcast DVR but have not been successful yet. then again they are very much NOT equals so i'm doing a little dithering about the decision myself.

teo said...

I had a similar conversation with SBC. Me: cancel. Them: why? Me: because. Them: pleaaaase? [repeat for 10 minutes] Them: why. Me: because i don't need you anymore. Them: but we have a special. Me: cancel. them: are you sure? Me: i have just died, so please cancel. them: but thanks! and is there anything else we can do? Me: no, really, no, no, i'm not joking, no, and i mean it, no.

smussyolay said...

"i have just died, so please cancel." that is fucking hilarious.

Dean said...

I went through a similar song and dance when I cancelled my cell phone.

In the AOL thing, I loved the part where the AOL guy got all righteous 'I'm just trying to help you...'

Betsy said...

Things are getting dire over here. It's gonna happen very very soon.
Thanks for the recipe, Dean!