Friday, October 14, 2005

Two Reasons Why I Stick to Blogging About The Federlines

1) This. I find these literary fisticuffs perpetually fascinating, in this case mostly because I don’t have the balls of Steve Almond and I wish I did. I declare him the winner of this fight, and I didn’t even have to arm him with a sock and a bar of soap.

2) Because they keep giving me such dang good material. I just heard that the Federlines (thanks, Megan!) are planning to expand their line of action figures to include Kevin, baby SeanFed, Britney’s mom and little sister. I think Megan and I should have action figures, two teacher writers with little tiny tattoos, Megan’s comes dressed in a t-shirt that says Reading is Sexy and mine comes with tiny red motorcycle boots, accessories to include a battery-powered car with a window that closes with a paint stirrer. Megan’s individual set will also come with a tiny Mojo, a smiling Christopher, and two tiny laptops. Mine will include two Bens (long hair or short), a tiny easel and toolbelt for him (tiny paint not included), and a tiny coffeemaker with a teeny-tiny spoon. Interchangeable items include tiny bookshelves and lots of tiny magazines and books. Tiny ex-boyfriends sold separately.

7 comments:

Daniel Ridges said...

I would totally buy the Betsy and Megan action figures for my girls.

It would be totally up to them which Ben doll to get, though. I feel, as a Dad, those kinds of choices are imperative for young women. Catholicism, Lutheranism, sports, what university to attend, Long or Short-Haired Ben doll. The important things...

Betsy said...

You've got it right, Dan.

Daniel Ridges said...

I wrote "totally" twice in my reply. Hmmmm...

megan said...

This is greatest of all Elizabeth Crane blog posts like ever.

Can our dolls come with strings in their backs which you pull and then they say stuff? Like, the Betsy doll would say, "Have a groovy day!" and the Megan doll would say, "Mojo, drop it!"

Byron, are you reading this? Can you advertise our writer/teacher action figures in your upcoming Writer Teenbeat magazine?

I DO have a Reading is Sexy T-shirt! Did you know that?

Betsy said...

Multiple totallys are totally welcome here.
Megan - of course I knew that! Because the Betsy doll has wished she had one ever since! I think the Betsy doll should also have "Awesome!" in her rotation and the Megan doll should have "Okay, that sentence? What you just said? Totally needs to be the beginning of a story."

B said...

don't forget!

you need extra accessories such as:

tiny students(of course sold seperately)
tiny laugh tracks to laugh at the ex-boyfriends(for whatever they may be doing with their lives now)
tiny Byron(because I think tiny is cool)
t

Betsy said...

Yes to all of the above! And maybe tiny Byron can help Ken come out of the closet!