Marriage Again

This is what it was yesterday. Eating Pop Rocks with your spouse and opening your mouths to show them the sizzle, for entertainment.

Wells Tower

I know, you’re like, Michael Jackson, Charles and Camilla, Martha Stewart, who?
Wells Tower has a story called Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned, which is this insane and hilarious and really beautiful story about sensitive huns. It has some gory parts, but you just have to deal with it.

Martha Stewart

I know it’s all about spin, but I just like her better now that she’s an ex-con. I want her “life-affirming” experience to be real, and for her to be my new best friend and tell me what it was like on the inside and how she really means it when she says she’s going to campaign for prison reform.

Charles and Camilla

I’m not particularly interested in royals at all, in fact I wonder what the big whoop is. But I do see why this romance is a little bit interesting. It’s complicated. As many have pointed out, it’s partly because Camilla is older, not glamorous in any way, and because this romance has lasted over some thirty years or whatever and two marriages. I wish I could go rah rah Camilla, you go girl, rock it with the bonny prince, because for sure she’s not a trophy wife. But I can’t get around the fact that these people both cheated on their spouses – I wonder what marriage could really mean to them now, if it didn’t mean faithfulness and commitment the first time? Do they know they blew it the first time? Anyway, royal or not, you can’t take anyone seriously after the tampon thing. I wouldn’t go to this wedding either, if I were the Queen. If someone said something like that to me, even my Ben, which he wouldn’t, but if he did, I’d be like, Ok, gross, I still love you but I need some time to recover from that.

Michael Jackson

I really have nothing to say about this. But if I did, it would be to say that I saw him in person once and my only thought was, “What is that Michael Jackson impersonator doing here?”

Races That Are Amazing

I have been an ardent fan of Amazing Race for a while now and part of what I enjoy about watching is thinking about how Ben and I could do some of the challenges, which challenges are better choices (for non-viewers, the game is about traveling the globe in a big "amazing" race, and usually in each episode you have two or three challenges which you have a choice about, and they each have advantages and disadvantages, e.g., trying to get a llama to move twenty feet or carrying a thirty pound basket 2/3 of a mile) - anyway, I seem to have convinced Ben that we could get on the show and at the very least not be the first team to be eliminated (we already have a strategy, but obviously I can't tell you what it is!). Of course, if you have ever traveled with me, you know that the traveling part of the traveling is very not enjoyable for me; on a trip to Las Vegas last fall for a conference, we got stranded in Phoenix for six hours, and I was so unhappy that when Ben and I played hangman, he had only filled in one A before he guessed my phrase, "I'M SO SAD." Also, one can easily surmise that there is a decided lack of sleep in this game, which is something else I'm very not good at. I enjoy the sleep. Why, you must wonder, would I want to do this? Isn't it obvious? Because it's Amazing! You get to go all around the world and do stuff like slide down mountains and herd llamas! That's awesome! So, to try to finish the story, I went online to investigate and it turns out that the next Amazing Race is not for pairs but for a family of four, so after having gained my ever-energetic and game stepmother Lois (the conversation: Me: Do you want to go on the Amazing Race with me and Ben? Lois [enthusiastically]: Yes! What's the Amazing Race? Me: It's a TV show! Lois: Oh, The Amazing Race! Yes! For sure!), we are currently recruiting one more member of the family and are hoping Ben's brother Fritz will represent for his side.

Confusing People is Super-arty.

I just wanted to see that in bold letters. I have unintentionally been super-arty in naming my blog and not explaining, but now I will commit to leaving it to you to decipher.
Plus also I need to mention that Hutchie is an amazing actress, if anyone is planning a trip to Kalamazoo you should go see her in Parallel Lives. She kicks thespian butt.

Reason # 11

He signs emails like this:
[Da/Fr]ed

Sickeningly Sweet Moment of the Day: Turn Back Now or Stand Forewarned

The other day my husband said, "We should run for cutest couple in Chicago."
I said, "Who else is running?"
He said, "No one."
So I said, "Well, then we'd be sure to win."
He said, "Right." He proposed that we make an actual campaign and put up flyers and send announcements to the papers and stuff.
I said "That sounds like art."
"Yes," he said.
I'm pretty sure we're not gonna do it though. At least not until we decide what it means.
Plus if anyone's gonna draw a mustache on my picture, it's gonna be me. There was a giant billboard in our neighborhood recently of the girl from Alias (or what I like to call, The Show About Wigs). If I had to guess, I'd say her mug was about 15' by 15', and of course we don't have a billboard budget, but I thought, well, I know famous people don't mind being on billboards and some of them less than don't mind, but me, I don't know, it seems like if I had to see my big giant 15x15 mug hovering over Ashland Avenue every day I'd flat out have to be taken away for inpatient psychiatric care. I got all Kafka just thinking about it. So probably nix on the flyers, is all I'm saying.
Anyway, I tried to warn you.

Yes, Bjork

I meant to put in a whole aside about Bjork, because it seemed to be less about Bjork as a Star Without Makeup than it was about Bjork as a Star Losing Their Shit In The Airport Because Someone Said Hello. It just wasn't really in keeping with the integrity of the show. But I am sure that Fox will see the error of their ways and air a separate show called Stars Whuppin' On Paparazzi any time now.