Thursday, January 18, 2007

Dear Jessica Rhode From American Idol Season Six Who I Really Hope Will Google Herself So She Reads This Even Though Googling Yourself Isn’t Always a

I am so, so sorry about the way things went for you on your tryout in front of your former idol Jewel, who I hope is not your idol anymore. Listen, I am going to tell you what those people should have told you:
1) Whether or not Jewel thought you were good, she should have been flattered and told you so.
2) There are way better singer songwriters than Jewel, like Shawn Colvin and Patty Griffin and Jonatha Brooke and a million other people.
3) You have a fine voice. Ir probably wasn’t the best idea to sing Jewel’s song exactly like Jewel, in front of Jewel (you may not have known she’d be there?), nevertheless, you sang in tune and you’ve got a good enough ear to be able to imitate someone well, which is not easy to do.
4) So, with that in mind, what you need is lessons from someone who will teach you to sing like yourself and maybe even write songs.
5) Then go back and kick their asses in Season Seven and when they say “You’re going to Hollywood,” say to them, “Psych!” and get the hell out of there and go make your own music.


.25 Crisis Kid said...

See. This makes me sad.

I think you remember this...remember when I first met you when you read in one of my fiction writing classes...and I said and I quote "I love you more than I love Jewel?" And you were all "HUH?!" and then I was all "Oops...did I say that aloud?"

The thing is...Jewel has changed, man. She isn't the girl I thought she was. And, now, selling out to be a host for a show...SIGH.

So, the moral of the story is:
I always NEW you were going to be way cooler than Jewel...always!


Betsy said...

I was hoping you wouldn't be too upset with me for dissing Jewel, but I did not like her attitude one bit! So, you're very sweet to say that.

Crystal said...

Jessica is one of my friends, and it was unfortunate that she chose that song, because in reality her voice is amazing and so sweet. If only others could have heard the way she sounds when she sings high.....we use to sing together in highschool....Jessica ROCKS!!

Anonymous said...

Jessica is my girl! Anyone who dare say anything against her obviouly doesn't know how much she is loved! It takes a lot of guts and courage to try out for anything, let alone it be American Idol where the judges should be renamed the American Idiots. If Simon and his big mouth can be way of course about Jennifer Hudson...certainly Jessica should not take anything the judges say to heart.
I love you, honey!
Momma D (T's mom)

Mark said...

I remember when I saw Juliana Hatfield in concert years ago, she kept saying between songs, "Did I mention I used to live in my car like Jewel?" which I found funny -- I guess Jewel used to be fond of telling the media she once lived in her car? My other Jewel-related memory from yesteryear isn't as pleasant. At the Lilith Fair (I got dragged to it for a date) two of her fans sitting directly behind me asked me to slouch down in my chair because I was too tall. I could see (no pun intended) if I had inconsiderately been wearing a huge hat or something, but come on, I can't help my height! Back to the present and point of this blog: I did see part of that show for which she sold out to be host (some country version of American Idol), and is it me, or has she had some type, chest enhancement? They nearly gave the appearance of being her co-host. I must admit she does have cute teeth, though, where the canine "eye teeth" kind of protrude longer than the incisors and bicuspids. (My technical description sucked any cuteness right out of them.)