How to Justify Watching Swimfan On the WB on a Friday Night Instead of the Six Books You Should Be Reading

1) Write a new story every week to ten days.
2) Make little felt thingies like these that are the cutest things you’ve ever seen during the watching of Swimfan, which you’ve secretly wanted to see since it came out but which is virtually inexcusable for any number of reasons not the least of which is that the original version, called Basic Instinct, was perfectly entertaining and didn’t need to be remade with sexy teenagers. (Note to filmmakers: you lost me as soon as you dressed the junkie girl from Traffic in a lavender trenchcoat. Not that I’m hanging around high schools or anything lately, but I know this is basically the opposite of whatever the kids are wearing these days.)