BRITNEY SPEARS STEP AWAY FROM THE SKANKS I REPEAT STEP AWAY FROM THE SKANKS

Britney, Britney, honey! I am not being snarky here. I like you, sincerely. I see your soul, Britney Spears. Listen to me. It’s bad enough that you’re hanging out with Paris Hilton. It’s just not okay to go out without your panties, even though I’m pretty sure she told you it was hott. There will be a time in the not too distant future when you will be very very happy you opted even for the scant protection of a thong. But more importantly, that Brandon dude? He is Satan. He’s worse than Satan. He’s all of evil everywhere. He said those reprehensible things about your other new BFF, Lindsay, did you not hear about that? I know, you’re having fun right now, that it’s probably a difficult time, but you must trust me here. Please, please, go home to your babies and do not let the likes of those two come near them, ever. ‘Kay?